


Senselessness

by PetrichorPerfume



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Blindness, Extreme Sensory Deprivation, Loss of Control, M/M, Multi, Senses, Sensory Deprivation, hearing loss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-08
Updated: 2014-06-08
Packaged: 2018-02-03 22:43:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,189
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1758791
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PetrichorPerfume/pseuds/PetrichorPerfume
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gabriel takes away each of Castiel's senses one by one.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Senselessness

Gabriel had taken away all of his five primary human senses save for one. He couldn’t hear anything except for what was inside; he could only hear the erratic beat of his heart and the steady pulse of his kidneys, the thrum of blood through his veins, and gentle churning of his stomach and the slow mechanisms of his liver. His lungs took in air, but that came from outside, so Gabriel had taken away his ability to hear them. He couldn’t smell anything, and he couldn’t taste, either, which had been horrible when he’d requested his favorite lunch and couldn’t taste anything but the horrible texture of peanut butter and jelly on toast, until Gabriel had taken away most of his ability to perceive texture, leaving just enough so he would know where everything was in his mouth and wouldn’t choke. He was completely blind, but luckily he had other senses that helped guide him around, until Gabriel had taken those away, too, and he was left groping hopelessly at everything around him, completely dependent on Gabriel for everything. 

He could still feel things, though, but it was only a matter of time before Gabriel took that away, too, leaving him alone and bereft and even more dependent on the archangel. 

Gabriel had also taken away his sense of temperature, which meant he couldn’t tell which of his lovers was touching him, not really, because even though he knew there was a size difference, he’d never really paid attention before, not when he could tell them all apart by temperature alone. Gabriel, as an angel, ran hot – one hundred and five at least. Sam ran cold because of the demon blood in his system, and was rarely over ninety-five degrees. Dean was right in the middle, stable, human, 98.6, barely ever varying by more than a tenth of a degree except when he was sick. 

Gabriel had also taken away his balance, which had seemed needlessly, senselessly cruel, but he trusted Gabriel, so he didn’t question, didn’t speak – not that he could hear the words and sounds he made, anyway, because Gabriel had taken that ability away as well. 

The worst part so far was when Gabriel had taken away his ability to tell where certain parts of his body were, because he couldn’t tell which way was up and which way was down, and because his existence became a collection of pin-prick, unorganized, unconnected points of light. He’d probably whimpered at that, maybe even screamed, or maybe not, because maybe Gabriel had taken away his voice, too, and it’s not as if he would know, because he couldn’t feel his lips or his tongue or his throat anymore, and couldn’t hear himself either.

The only things grounding him still were the sound of his organs and the hands – he was pretty sure there were more than six, but that was impossible, or improbable, at best – all over him, touching, stroking, caressing the disjointed parts of him he couldn’t quite map out. Then, one by one, the sound of his organs faded into eternity, and he thought he was dying for one terrifying moment before he remembered that Gabriel wouldn’t let that happen, not here, not now, not when he was so vulnerable. 

And then the hands were gone, and Castiel wasn’t sure if that was because he’d lost his sense of touch or if they’d all just stepped away for a moment, so he started to count with the one sense he had left. 

“Five seconds,” Gabriel had promised him before they’d begun, after telling him he wouldn’t take away his sense of time, that he could only dampen it to human levels, because it wasn’t safe otherwise. 

He’d heard that humans could perceive time differently depending on their situation, so he was terrified, even though he knew Gabriel wouldn’t let anything happen to him. 

He counted out five seconds in what seemed like the space of five minutes, and then one by one, his senses started returning to him in the order in which Gabriel had taken them away. 

He knew how slowly Gabriel was going, how careful the other angel was being, but it was still too much at first, too-loud, too-too much. 

Eventually, he regained his sight – the first thing Gabriel had taken away – and the world was too bright and too big and just too much. 

He wondered distantly if this was how baby humans felt when they were born, if this was why they came screaming and kicking into the world as if they were dying, and if that was why most people went so gently into the night, quietly and silently, weakly and timidly, if it was because they longed to return to senselessness the way Castiel did, if it was because they were thrust into a too-bright, too-cold, too-big, too-much world before they were ready. 

“I don’t want you to die the way you were born,” was the first thing he said, because he didn’t, didn’t want his humans to die kicking and screaming, cold and afraid in a big, scary world. His mouth didn’t work quite right, yet, and Gabriel shushed him, telling him to take it easy, that he only had five percent of his senses so far, and Castiel made a sound like he was dying because he couldn’t imagine how the world would look with the other ninety-five percent pressing him down when it was already far too bright and loud. 

The other ninety-five perfect returned gradually, which was good because he was certain he’d have died if they’d came slamming back into him all at once. 

He was left with the feeling that he’d missed something profound, as if he’d been staring at one small section on the surface of the ocean with human eyes and had missed the rest, missed the mountains and valleys and slope of the floor, missed the life toiling away in the depths, and in the middle, and just beyond the range of human perception under the surface, missed the history, missed the future, missed the life and death of every creature he could see and each one he couldn’t, missed what lie just out of reach, missed the currents and the eddies and the waves and shores, missed the bodies of water feeding the ocean, missed the sediments, missed the storms, missed everything that was worth knowing beyond one tiny little patch of sea, missed everything but the taste and the feel and the scent and the sound of what pitiful little he could see. 

He waits for Gabriel to explain, waits for the archangel to tell him that that’s how God perceives Creation, or that that’s how it was in the beginning, or that that’s how it will be in the end, or that that’s what they feel after they die, something, anything, and he begs Gabriel to take him back to senselessness, to take everything away this time, to leave him with nothing, but Gabriel just smiles at him like he knows all the answers and he’s not telling. 

And that’s all Castiel needs to know.


End file.
